Renamed from “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO” – controlling behaviours workshop for KS3, KS4 and KS5.

I’m on a mission. I want EVERY SINGLE young person to understand the ways controlling and coercive behaviour works, what it looks like, what the ‘red flags’ are and how to get help and support if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is controlling.

As you probably know, the recent PSHE RSE guidance on healthy relationships has set out clearly that healthy relationships teaching in RSE should include information about coercive control, controlling behaviours, sexual assault and abuse and domestic abuse and violence.

These elements sit within a framework that asks schools to ensure that everyday sexism, stereotypes and other judgemental prejudices -especially around the protected characteristics of the 2010 Equalities Act – are discussed and tackled with insights and information as well as work to challenge and amend entrenched unhelpful attitudes and beliefs.

I’ve been delivering sessions on domestic abuse and violence linked to coercive control for some time but about a year ago a school specifically asked me to respond to the RSE Guidance and to help them educate their KS3, KS4 and Sixth Form on coercive control. They had recently had some safeguarding issues with students who were experiencing controlling partners and friendships…and this has increased in the past few months, with more and more schools reporting issues between young people in their relationships and friendships – often facilitated by technology.

So here we have: UNDERSTANDING CONTROLLING BEHAVIOURS – Controlling Behaviour workshops for Secondary Schools.

  • What are Coercive Control and Controlling Behaviours?
  • What is the law around CC and CB?
  • What do CC and CB look like in intimate relationships, friendship groups and families?
  • Why are ‘love bombing’ and ‘moving really quickly’ concerns
  • What if they’re too good to be true?
  • What do CC and CB do to people affected by them?
  • How CC and CB are used in virtually ALL abusive relationships…and how they are used to abuse someone.
  • What to do if you think you or a friend or family member are affected by CC or CB.
  • How to ask for help and gather evidence if you or a friend are affected by CC or CB.

The sessions are adapted to cater to the audience and will cover friendships, intimate relationships and the influence of adult content where CC and CB are being used to coerce partners into sexual acts and situations which many find uncomfortable with guilt, shame and peer-pressure.

CPD for teachers / SLT / Pastoral teams can be found on my Thinkific site HERE

Additionally, the Youth Endowment Fund’s annual research project into Children, Violence and Vulnerability was published in December 2024 here: https://youthendowmentfund.org.uk/reports/children-violence-and-vulnerability-2024/boys-girls-experiences/ and revealed some interesting findings about how violence and violent behaviour affects both boys and girls but perhaps the most striking findings relate to controlling behaviours:

Of the more than 10,000 young people (aged 13-17) that the YEF surveyed, 27% said that they had been in a relationship, of those, 49% – virtually HALF – said that they had experienced violent or controlling behaviours from their partners.

The graphic below from the report highlights the ways that controlling or violent behaviour manifested itself in those relationships and also shows that there’s an urgent need to educate young people about the signs and tactics of controlling people:

The YEF themselves calculate that these numbers, when extrapolated across the 13-17 population, could mean that 13% of young people are experiencing violent or controlling behaviours in relationships. By my rough calculations and allowing for some bi-directionality, there could also be between 8% and 13% of young people who are perpetrating violent and controlling behaviour within their relationships.

(It’s noteworthy to see that many of the above behaviours are facilitated by modern technology – messaging, looking through messages, monitoring or watching someone – using Apps and features such as Find My Friends, SnapMaps and messaging Apps like WhatsApp).

Feedback from the NW School who requested the workshop in February 2024.

“Bernie’s presentation on Coercive control was fantastic. It was very well-delivered in a relaxed and engaging way. There was a real buzz amongst our students after the session, and they are already asking when Bernie’s coming back. This was Bernie’s second visit to our school, and we hope it won’t be his last!” S.D. Head of PSHE.

If you think I can help, let me know.   

 

After all, it’s not just intimate relationships where controlling behaviour happens: Regina George from Mean Girls is a controlling person…

What does Coercive Control look like?

 

 

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