In my What Makes A Man workshops with young men I create a little bit of theatre.
Instead of walking around and gesticulating enthusiastically, I sit on the chair I’ve set on the stage at the front of the hall / room and open a glass Tupperware with a lid. I then remove from the container around 10 post-it notes in various colours with BIG BOLD WORDS on them.
The tone changes. The students sit forward and listen a bit more intently.
I then explain each of the post-it notes as I replace them in the container – ‘NEVER ASKING FOR HELP’ goes in, which may be followed by ‘BEING STRONG’ and ‘NOT SHOWING WEAKNESS’ and then ‘HYPERSEXUALITY’ until they’re all back in there – and then I replace the lid and slowly snap the four clips shut, relating each one to an age…the second one being adolescence…so that by the end of the snapping, we have reached young adulthood, wherein the lid is firmly anchored shut and we’re trapped in the box with our attitudes and beliefs about what manhood ‘should’ be.
None of us as boys and young men really *choose* the elements of manhood or masculinity that we identify with, they seep into our behaviours, our attitudes and we unconsciously start to adopt these beliefs.
These are frequently the things that define our young minds’ version of manliness which we as men and boys then police in our friends and class / work mates and we largely don’t even realise we’re doing it…this is why it’s so vital to open the debate around masculinities and manliness consciously, after all, if we’re on autopilot when we absorb these messages, we will continue to behave like it on autopilot too unless and until we consciously understand why we think and do what we do. (This is not only compounded by what we see and hear around us in the real world but is also frequently backed up by what the men with microphones say online).
In November 2025, an Australian charity foundation called Jesuit Social Services JSS (which works to support people who have fallen through the cracks and into criminal justice, poor mental health, addiction and have a number of social, health and economic issues) produced The Adolescent Man Box which looks at the exact issues I’ve just described. They found that of the boys who followed ‘Man Box’ rules:
- Nearly half (46%) agree or strongly agree that no one really knows them well. This is double the 23% who felt this who didn’t follow Man Box rules.
- 27% had been intentionally physically hurt in the past month. (12% of non-followers claimed this)
- 27% also believed that if a man is physically violent to his partner, then they probably deserved it or provoked that reaction. (just 2% of non Man Box followers agreed).
- 35% said they would retaliate if rejected by a prospective partner – more than three times the 11% who agreed outside Man Box thinkers.
- 27% said that they / their friends would create AI fake nude images of people they knew, nearly 7 times more than the 4% who said they would from the non-Man Box adherents.
The Men’s Project Director at the JSS said that whilst this was grim reading, almost all of the 1,400 respondents stated that they felt boys should treat girls as equals (96%) and almost all were disturbed by the harassment that women and girls experience so whilst this offers some hope, it was however paired with 85% of Adolescent Man Box followers saying they had experienced poor mental health within the past fortnight and the majority of those not did not seek help.
The JSS called upon Federal, State and Territory Governments in Australia to utilise these findings around Man-Box concepts when working on youth violence-prevention projects in the country…much as the findings of the original Man Box research from Paul Kivel in Oakland in the 1980s/90s.
These are some of the fundamental structural constructs of old-style, dominance-based masculinities that are still prevailing at the detriment of men and boys and the people who are around them, although positively many said that they could occasionally be vulnerable with a family member or friend and that their parents often had a bigger impact on their ideas about teenage behaviours than online influencers, this was not universal and never could be because everyone’s experience of family is different. Because school IS the universal service for children, I believe it’s important we are able to open discussions with young people (and parents / carers) about the Man Box in a safe and non-judgemental environment.
For me, as an adolescent wedded firmly to the Man Box for a couple of years, this is why we need to focus on the invisible and unconscious way Man Box culture is picked up by young men and boys because not only are these ideologies harmful to men and boys themselves, they continue to be so as these versions of masculinity actively discourage us from asking for or finding support for change and – backed up my many online narratives that highlight the need to never be weak, empathetic or ask for help – seem to actively harm our physical and mental health.
Despite many of the in-built ways manosphere / masculinity influencer content has pre-programmed defensiveness into young men and boys, without tackling these issues head-on we aren’t going to help young men and boys to unpick the invisible locks on the invisible cages we often find ourselves trapped within.
It’s on us as adults and educators to open hearts, eyes and minds to safer, healthier and happier men and boys. Starting now.
If I can help your school, sports or youth club here’s my Speaker Page.
Bernie x
Instagram: @_WhatMakesAMan_